DIY – Piece of Cake – Parenting Plights & Delights

One of my favorite parenting memories is when we threw our oldest daughter, Tulip (nickname), a Sweet-Sixteen party. We wanted to make it an occasion to remember. In order to hire a DJ, we had to cut back on other costs, so I decided I could do the cake myself. No sweat.

We expected over 50 guests, so I baked four cake mixes, which required two roasting pans. I transferred the first layer onto a large tray, but the middle of the cake stuck to the bottom of the pan. Okay, no big deal. I scraped out the middle and fit the pieces back into place like a puzzle. There were huge fissures, but extra whipped cream would take care of that, and no one would be the wiser.

The whipped cream covered all the cracks perfectly. Mm-mmm! The tricky part was getting the top layer out of the other pan in one piece. Tulip grabbed one side as I grabbed the other. We flopped it out onto the bottom layer. Dang! The top had split down the middle. No worries, though. Lots of whipped cream would easily hide that.

Camouflaging the cracks used up all the whipped topping. I still had to cover the sides, so I sent my 17-year-old son to the store for some frozen whipped cream in the tubs.

He returned in a jiff with two cans of whipped cream and told me he couldn’t find it in the tubs, and besides, the cans were cheaper anyway. I wondered how he knew they were cheaper if he never found the tubs to compare them.

So, I sprayed a fancy ripple of cream all the way around the cake. “Beautiful!”

Within 30 seconds, the canned whipped cream liquefied and ran down the sides. I rushed the monstrous cake into the fridge as it was too big for the freezer. Then I wiped the dripping trail off the floor.

Ten minutes later I checked on the cake, only to find whipped cream running down the shelf and into the veggie drawer. As I went to remove the sticky mess, the shelf gave way from the weight and collapsed into the drawer below.

Somehow I retrieved the cake in one piece, set it aside, and cleaned up the fridge, but first I sent my son back to the store. He returned with the tubs.

After spreading the tub whipped cream to the sides, I topped the cake with strawberries. Now all I had to do was write “Happy Birthday Tulip” with a tube of decorator frosting.

Darn it! The tube didn’t come with a tip, so I dug out the decorating kit I’d bought two years prior but had never used and squeezed the frosting from the tube into the cylinder.

I soon discovered why that kit was such a bargain. It required muscleman strength to press on it to get the frosting out. My face was red after writing “Happy.” I shook the numbness from my hands and decided to replace “Birthday” with “16th.” By the time I wrote “Tulip,” I was thankful I hadn’t named her Elizabeth.

That night I pulled the cake out of the fridge. Voila! It was gobbled up in no time. The guests were clueless as to the comical scene that had played out just before they arrived, and that was my last attempt at a monster-sized cake.

Do you have a parenting or grandparenting memory
or another story you’d like to share? 
If you’re not a parent, memories from your own childhood count, too! 

Warning: I might feature your story in a future post. 
(Names can be changed to protect the guilty!)

I’d like to thank all those who have shared their stories. 
These posts wouldn’t be the same without your input.

If you don’t want to leave a comment but would rather contact me by email, 
here’s my address: lynkelwoohoo at yahoo dot com.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

Dancing X-Ray Skeleton – My YouTube Video!

You don’t need x-ray vision to watch my new Youtube video!
This is only a minute long. Creepy, freaky fun.
I don’t look like Funny Bones with the special effects! Crazy, huh?

On Monday I couldn’t get internet connection. There was no point in trying to write since Punkin was feisty and hardly slept. I played around with iMovie while he was in his play yard.

I have lots of Funny Bones clips in iMovie (see pic below – told you I love costumes), but I haven’t had time to edit them due to moving, babysitting, editing my book, and so many unexpected issues to deal with.

Yesterday I finally discovered how to do the special effects for video and audio in iMovie. Oh, so much fun playing around with them! I used the x-ray effect for the video and the robot effect for audio, plus added some other weird sounds.

Yours truly dressed as Funny Bones, leaning on dummy Werewolf Hairy
When my youngest kid moved out a few months ago,
I turned her bedroom into a makeshift studio.
Then I had to hurry and get video clips before we moved!

I’d like to thank Susie Lindau of Susie’s Wild Ride for inspiring me to get back to making Youtube videos. Her post of 4-18-12 featured her first Youtube clip. Check it out:

 Roxy’s Ghetto Mittens – Susie Lindau’s first edited video clip.

Also, my co-author, Maria Toth, has been making lots of Youtube videos lately using the camera on her iPad. On Monday she discovered Movie Maker on her new laptop, so she whipped up a video using photos taken at the Mystery Night event at the Corona Public Library in California. We (BBH McChiller co-authors) read Monster Moon excerpts and signed our books. Maria added the song Monster Mash to the video. Perfect! It turned out pretty darn good for her first Movie Maker project:

Have you ever edited a clip for a Youtube video? If so, did you find it easy or hard? Please leave your link in my comments section if you have a video you’d like to share. 


If you haven’t made a video, do you enjoy watching them on blogs? Or not? I’d love to hear what you think!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Baby Escape Artists

How young is too young to challenge a baby’s problem-solving skills?

At seven and a half months, Punkin is off to a great start.

 I probably shouldn’t encourage him to escape. He’s already trying to climb out of the playpen yard, inching higher and higher with each new day. He challenges himself.

Some babies are happy to stay put, but others, no way.

They are our future explorers, inventors, athletes, innovators.

This baby’s parents couldn’t figure out how he was getting out of his crib, especially with the mattress as low as it could go,so his dad put a video camera on the dresser.

This is only 50 seconds. I guarantee his skills and perseverance will blow your mind.

What will he grow up to be? He’s definitely going places!

Even if your baby’s not a climber, they have other methods of outsmarting their parents.

Baby Gate Escape Artist – 21 seconds long.

 Parents must be on their toes 24/7.

What Baby couldn’t conquer a day ago, an hour ago, a minute ago,

he/she succeeds when you least expect it.

Be prepared!

Believe me, I know. My husband and I have raised four little monsters (term of endearment).

Now we’re enjoying our grandchildren. It’s even harder to keep up at our age. Who needs a workout at the gym?

  Do you have a parenting or grandparenting memory
or another story you’d like to share? 
If you’re not a parent, memories from your own childhood count, too! 
 
Warning: I might feature your story in a future post. 
(Names can be changed to protect the guilty!)
 
I’d like to thank all those who have shared their stories. 
These posts wouldn’t be the same without your input.
 
If you don’t want to leave a comment but would rather contact me by email, 
here’s my address: lynkelwoohoo at yahoo dot com.
Posted in Parenting Plights and Delights | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

A Palindrome Poem

April is National Poetry Month. One of the most amazing poems I’ve ever read was written by C. Sonberg Larson. We belong to the same critique group, Books Born Here. I’m honored that Larson gave me permission to share it with you.

SAMSARA

Crying, mother young.
See eyes, watery and blue, skin wet, soul ancient.
Breathing.
Birthing another.
Light blinding. Sterile, white room.
Cold air.
Screaming. Intense pain. Wailing. Pushing.
Rushing blood, warm, out held hand.
Red appears, light filters, skin and womb.
Here, I am, wondering, waiting. Vulnerable and hairless. Dependent.
Lives past, toiling and suffering, mistakes noted.
Repeating life. Again chosen.
Gone are months of warmth and safety.
Awaiting birth.
Miracle or retribution?
Unfair, so unfair.
Retribution or miracle?
Birth awaiting.
Safety and warmth of months are gone.
Chosen again. Life repeating.
Noted mistakes, suffering and toiling, past lives.
Dependent. Hairless and vulnerable, waiting, wondering, am I here.
Womb and skin filters light, appears red.
Hand held out. Warm, blood rushing.
Pushing. Wailing. Pain intense. Screaming.
Air cold.
Room, white, sterile. Blinding light.
Another birthing.
Breathing.
Ancient soul, wet skin, blue and watery eyes see
young mother, crying.
**Please note that this poem is a palindrome—it reads the same forward and backward**
C. Sonberg Larson has been writing stories since the age of seven. Larson is an ongoing member of SCBWI,as well as critique groups Books Born Here and Invincible Ink.  Larson is expected to release a body of work for sale online in the fall. 


I hope you enjoyed C. Sonberg Larson’s palindrome poem. Do you like poetry? Do you have a favorite?
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Locked Out! – Parenting Plights & Delights

 
You’re in for some giggly treats today, friends. Has your kid ever locked you out? If so, I’m sure one of these stories will bring back some funny (or maybe not) memories.

Laughingmom from Where’s the Funny Here? said:
We had date night interrupted because our son had locked everyone including the sitter (his uncle) out of the house. Uncle got fired as a sitter.

Robyn Campbell (mother of seven) from Putting Pen to Paper said:



As you know we live on a farm, so one day I left them all in the house alone! I was only going down to the mailbox. Five minutes tops. I dilly dally in the quiet. When I got back I could not get in the front door. Or the side door. Or the back door. *sigh* I knocked. I banged. I screamed, “Let Mommy in, please!” I peeked in the window though the curtains and saw them sitting on the couch. Laughing. They were playing a joke on me. The one that feeds them. The one that went through the pain to have ’em. They would NOT let me in. I had to take a screen off a window and climb through. Waaahaaaaaaaa 

It was not a pretty sight. Me climbing through a window. When I finally got in the house, there they were. Sitting on the couch. Giggling. 

Suffice it to say, I always slipped the house key in my pocket from then on. 

About 13 years ago, Mariam Taguchi shared one of her favorite parenting stories with me. She had taken her oldest daughters to her niece’s baby shower. Mariam’s husband, Derek, stayed home to look after 23-month-old Noelle, who was too rambunctious to take along. 

While Mariam was enjoying herself at the shower, she received a frantic call from hubby, who ran to the neighbor’s to use their phone. Derek had stepped out front for a moment and Noelle closed the door and locked it. 

“She’s in the house crying and crying,” Derek said. “You have to come home NOW.” 

“Stay calm,” Mariam said, then told him where she hid the extra key.

By the time Derek got inside the house, he found a mess in the kitchen. Noelle had spilled water from the dog’s dish all over the floor, in addition to throwing dog food everywhere. He then discovered his free-spirited toddler had taken off her clothes and was running through the halls, screaming with laughter, which Derek had mistaken for hysterical crying!

  Do you have a parenting or grandparenting memory
or another story you’d like to share? 
If you’re not a parent, memories from your own childhood count, too! 
 
Warning: I might feature your story in a future post. 
(Names can be changed to protect the guilty!)
 
I’d like to thank all those who have shared their stories. 
These posts wouldn’t be the same without your input.
 
If you don’t want to leave a comment but would rather contact me by email, 
here’s my address: lynkelwoohoo at yahoo dot com.
 
(A version of Mariam Taguchi’s story appeared in the Highland Community News in January 1999.)

 

Posted in family, Funny, Humor, Parenting Plights and Delights | Tagged | 13 Comments

Flash Fiction Just in Time For Friday the 13th

Photo and effects by Lynn Kelley

Last Friday Debra Kristi’s blog featured a flash fiction story she wrote, inspired by weird, Twilight Zone ceramic critters in her hotel room. She challenged others to write a flash fiction piece based on one of the photos in the post. Considering my squirrelly personality, the picture of the squirrels pulled me in, and I gave it a shot. 

When I emailed “Winner” to Debra, she commented that my story is a good one for Friday the 13th. How about that? I didn’t realize it’s the 13th! Yikes!

Let me warn you that flash fiction isn’t my forte. I found this quite challenging. So here goes:

Winner

            Flora won a solitary getaway at the prestigious Pine Kliff Resort, famous for its rim-of-the-world panorama.

“What kind of screwy contest awards a trip for one?” Hubby Chet balked at holding down the fort of whiny kids and critters so her frayed nerves could mend. “Frayed nerves, frayed nerves,” echoed through his brain. He finally caved in before she drove him nuts.

That Saturday, Flora grinned before entering the penthouse suite for some alone time. Once inside, her eyes twitched to adjust to shadowy fixtures. A chandelier with crystal pinecone bulbs blinked like a strobe light, illuminating a red velvet comforter, polished ebony floor, and golden faux leather sofa.

She spotted a pair of ceramic squirrels on a Manzanita coffee table. Acorns and peanuts encircled them. Cheesy.

 Stepping toward the window to raise the blackout shades, floor planks shifted under her like a carnival funhouse. Earthquake!

Before she could duck, another jolt tossed her right smack onto her tailbone. Dazed and panting, she trembled as a drumroll thundered, accompanied by screaming whistles. Laser beams from the chandelier flickered like lightning as the room quaked and walls split.

Smoke and pine fumes poured in. Flora coughed and pulled her sweater over her nose. Sharp pains stabbed her forehead. The temperature dropped below zero. Shivering, she curled into a fetal position. I’m gonna die here.

 ***

Chet kissed Flora’s head as she spoke gibberish on a gurney at Mercy General. “Will she recover?”

Zane Fitch, game show host, shrugged. “It’s nice if they heal before their episode airs in six months, but no guarantees.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Didn’t remember. Her memory was erased when she signed the waiver.” He patted Chet’s shoulder. “Don’t look so glum. Flora not only won $500,000, but she’ll surely become a Virtual Lobotomy favorite.”

Now you know why my blog is called “Random Acts of Weirdness.” 
 
So, have you ever wanted to be on a reality TV show? 
If you don’t want to answer that question, how about this one: 
Are you superstitious? Do you like to stay home on Friday the 13th?
Posted in Authorly Stuff, Writing | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

Forgotten Easter Eggs – Parenting Plights & Delights

Every Easter my husband’s family gets together at Jim and Linda’s. The highlight of the day for the kids is the egg hunt.

A younger Frobenius designed a stylish new Easter bonnet/hat.

About 15 years ago, 10-year-old Donny found a faded egg in one of the bushes. Jim rushed over and carefully took it from him. “We don’t want it to crack,” Jim warned. He knew it was an egg from the year prior, now faded from the elements.

When the kids found out it was an old egg and might be rotten, they followed Jim to the trashcan as if he were the Pied Piper. They were curious to find out what a rotten egg smelled like. The egg had a tiny crack, just enough to give them a good whiff of its stench.

P.U.! It made some of them gag, which is why Jim and Linda hide eggs outside. It could have been a disaster if it had rotted inside the house. So if you hid real eggs, you might want to double-check to make sure you found them all. And if you had an indoor egg hunt, I hope you used the plastic eggs.

One Easter some joker–we know it was you, Mike Frobenius–hid a few raw eggs for the kids. Luckily, we were on our toes and saved them before someone ended up with egg on their face. (I know, not funny, but courtesy laughs are appreciated!)

Forgotten eggs can cause terribly embarrassing moments. I remember when my youngest child, Sunflower, was still a baby and I had a doctor appointment a couple weeks after Easter. I smelled something stinky in the diaper bag on the drive there.

Once parked, I dug through it and found a receiving blanket with some spit-up on it, so I took it out of the diaper bag before going into the clinic.

While I read a magazine in the waiting room, I realized the diaper bag still smelled. I looked inside it but couldn’t find the source of the stench. When the nurse called me in, heads turned as I walked across the room, carrying Sunflower and the putrid diaper bag. I hoped people didn’t think the nauseating fumes  were coming from me! *Cringe, cringe.*

The doctor never said a word about the smell, and he had to have noticed it in that small exam room. I guess he didn’t want to embarrass me. Maybe he thought it was the baby. I just wanted to get out of there.

Once I got home, I was determined to get to the bottom of the smell once and for all. I took everything out of the diaper bag. Finally, aha! Mystery solved. In one of  the side pockets that I never used I found not one, but two cracked Easter eggs.

It turned out that five-year-old Lily had stuffed them in the pocket at the family gathering to bring them home. Out of sight, out of mind, until they crack!

Q.  What came first, the chicken or the egg?

A.  Neither–the Easter Bunny!

 
Do you have a parenting or grandparenting memory
or another story you’d like to share? 
If you’re not a parent, memories from your own childhood count, too! 
 
Warning: I might feature your story in a future post. 
(Names can be changed to protect the guilty!)
 
I’d like to thank all those who have shared their stories. 
These posts wouldn’t be the same without your input.
 
If you don’t want to leave a comment but would rather contact me by email, 
here’s my address: lynkelwoohoo at yahoo dot com.
 
(A version of these stories appeared in the Highland Community News in April of 1999.)
Posted in family, Holidays, Parenting Plights and Delights | Tagged , | 11 Comments

Altered Art Book Wedding Gift

In a post on December 7, 2011, I shared an altered art book I made one year for my parents’ Christmas gift. You can read about it here. I then posted about a photo box that I decorated with altered art. If you want to read that one, go here.

I had planned to do a post about the very first altered art book I ever made, a very simple one for my niece’s wedding. I’ll have to save that post for another time. Instead, I’m sharing one of the last altered art books I made, which was for my daughter’s wedding gift a year ago.

I start with some kind of general theme and idea of what kind of spreads I want. I’ve never taken a scrapbooking class, and I mess up a lot. Part of the fun of altered art is covering up the mistakes. I usually add more embellishments and often end up pleased and surprised with the final look.
That beautiful pearl and glitter flower at the top of the cover page was purchased at a craft store. I had a 50% off coupon. Those embellishments are expensive and add up fast. I use items from around the house whenever possible, like old greeting cards, book marks, pics from magazines, scraps from my sewing box. Do a scavenger hunt around your house and see what you come up with. You’d be surprised how objects like bottle caps, zippers, and tape measures (cut them down to fit) make cool embellishments.
As an amateur doing my own thing, I’ve learned by trial and error. Altered art is like making a collage, and you can let your imagination soar when choosing the items to use. Vary textures, sizes of pages, and mediums. It’s called ‘altered’ art for a reason.

Each person’s design will reflect their own personalty and talents. For example, do you embroider,  crochet, or macrame? Use little snippets of your work in your altered art.

Bartt and Lily (nicknames) dated for five years. Each year they went to a photo booth to have their pictures taken. Copies of those photo booth pics were perfect for this altered art book.
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Dots of paint can be used to border pictures. To get perfect round dots, dip the tip of a pencil or the nonbrush end of a paintbrush into a dab of paint. Place the dot where you want it. Dip again for the next dot. I use acrylic paint. It dries fast.

I used an old board book (sanded down the illustrations) for the altered art book I made for my mom and dad. For this project, I used magnolia paper, which is not only beautiful, but also sturdy. I bet it’s expensive, but I don’t really know because I found a photo album (never used) filled with magnolia paper at a thrift store for $3.00. What a bargain!

The page on the left is much shorter than the other pages. I like to throw in an odd shaped page here and there. Try gluing some of the photos or embellishments so part of it sticks up over the top or over the edge of the page.
Bartt proposed to Lily in a photo booth by holding up a paper that said, “Will you marry me?” Unfortunately, when the photos were printed, she couldn’t read what it said, so he got down on his knee and proposed.

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I thought I was being so clever folding a page over several times so the flap has ‘frames.’ My friend, Maria, who has taken some scrapbooking classes, told me that’s called the accordion technique. Well, that makes sense!
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I tied the accordion flap with ribbons to hold it in place.
Pulling the accordion flap out. Each side is decorated.
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Some of the buttons I used were from Great-Grandma Wray’s button box. She passed away when Lily was a baby. I try to add as many sentimental touches as I can.
This accordion flap features the bride when she was growing up.

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A penny from the year Lily was born makes a nice embellishment.
Unfortunately, my camera was on its last leg and many of the pics came out blurry. 🙁
Here are some wallet-size photos or smaller that I tucked in the pocket. I laminated many of the photos in hopes the lamination will protect them. If I print pictures with my home printer, they usually fade after a few years, so I try to order prints whenever possible.
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I like the torn look for many of the photos instead of a straight cut.
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Bartt’s mother emailed me photos from his childhood.
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This accordion flap features the groom when he was growing up. Are you wondering what ‘trayboard’ is? Trayboarding is kind of like skateboarding, but a cafeteria tray is used instead of a skateboard.  Kids/teens ride it as it slides across the concrete or railing. Too daring for me!

A belt loop from an old pair of jeans seemed to fit this page. (Pun intended!)

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Treasured pics that are kept in a pocket.

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Here’s the other side of the flap. It has a penny from the year of Bartt’s birth.
Don’t throw away those old jeans. I used jean fabric to accent this flap.

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Bartt and Lily are a fun-loving couple, so I tried to design the spreads to reflect their personalities.
This page has a flap that folds across half the page.

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Open the flap for a peek at the photos underneath.

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A closer look at the other side of the flap.

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The page on the right isn’t as wide as the other pages. I experiment to try to get a different effect by letting part of the following page peek out.
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The reverse side of the smaller page also has a flap. No, his hair wasn’t really styled like that. I added wild spikes when I cut the photo.
By folding the flap partway across the page, it lets you see a portion of the photo underneath. It makes me curious to see the rest of the picture under the flap.
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More silly pics when you open the flap. I got the drawing off Bartt’s FB page.

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A closeup of the little red envelope, which has a piece of paper inside. The message has a private joke, just another bit of silly fun.

Trip to Japan. The page on the right has a pocket
which holds photos from their trip.

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Removing the photos.

With the photos removed from the pocket, you can see the background of the page.

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These are some of the photos that were tucked in the pocket.

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How did I get these tiny photos? I used my camera to take a screen shot of their Facebook albums, then had prints made. These are actually the result of my tech deficiency. I tried to print some of their Facebook photos, but a square blank showed up on Lily’s face where she had been tagged. At the time, I didn’t know how to drag the pics into my computer, so this was the solution I came up with.

Here’s a shot of one page from Lily’s FB album that I took with my camera. The photos are a little bigger than thumbnail pics.

I loved having those little pics to play around with. It added such a nice touch, and there wasn’t enough room to use full size photos, so it worked out great! That’s what I love about altered art. If one thing doesn’t work, I have to figure out something else and sometimes discover a cool new look.

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Thin ribbon braided together makes a nice border.

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The bottom photo on the left makes it look like Lily is sitting next to Bartt in front of the tent, but actually, I cut it out of another photo and glued it on. A brown raffia bow embellishes the top right corner.

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The top half of the page on the right has various shots of Bartt playing in the Merced River. I literally cut and pasted different photos together. I’m sure it would be much easier in Photo Shop, but I have no experience with that software. Maybe someday I’ll be able to afford it, but I think it would take me longer to learn it than to cut and paste the old fashioned way!

The bottom half of the page on the right serves as a pocket with a photo tucked inside…

…but it’s also a flap that can be lifted up to see more photos underneath.

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Jute makes a nice border. It goes with the nature look, don’t you think?

More jute twine borders the pages of this spread.

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The page on the left has a quote. You can buy packages of quotes at the craft stores or do a google search for quotes on almost any topic and print them out yourself.

Page on the right has ribbon and hot pink tulle, souvenirs from Lily’s bridal shower that my sister Cindy saved for me to put in the altered art book.

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Invitation to the bridal shower is in the pocket on the left page. The page on the right has a folded flap.

 These photos were hidden by the invitation.

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Photos and invitation that were in the pocket.

Open the flap. On the flip side is another set of photo booth pics, flanked by scraps of trim.

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I glued an old house key on the left page just above the white picket fence. The top key on the right page is an actual key to Lily’s old car, which she no longer drives. The other keys on the page are stickers.

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Lift the flap and there’s a sweet message!

 Engagement pics and the wedding invitation.

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The flap of the RSVP envelope is glued down, but the rest of the envelope can be lifted up
to see an engagement picture underneath.

More braided ribbon borders these pages.

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The page on the right has pictures of their honeymoon destinations – Italy and Greece.
There’s a pocket at the bottom of the page so they can add photos or mementos.

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These pockets are for the bride and groom to add some of their favorite wedding pics.

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White butterflies have special meaning to Lily – a symbol of the presence of God.

I tried to hold the book together with metal rings, but it was much thicker than I planned and I couldn’t find any rings that were large enough, so I found some black floral wire, which worked out better. It’s easy to bend, and I wrapped the ends of the wires around a pencil for a curlicue look.

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Black ribbon tied in a bow holds the book closed.
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I found this leopard print case at Ross to use as a gift box.
They have lots of cool things in their housewares section.
Brown raffia, brown tulle, and hot pink ribbon, the wedding colors, made a nice bow,
which I tied on  the handle.

This is the largest and most complicated altered art book I’ve made so far. Bartt and Lily loved it.
I think back to a year ago when we were all scrambling to get ready for the wedding. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was wonderful. One of the happiest days of my life!
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Happy 1st anniversary, Bartt & Lily.
I wish you many more years of joy and happiness. XOXO
Friends, do you have a favorite hobby that you love to get lost in? Do you find that doing something creative in one activity allows your creativity to flow over into other activities? 

Oh, I almost forget to tell you that this is my 100th blog post!
Woo hoo!
Posted in altered art, Arts and Crafts, Creativity, family, Photo Essay | Tagged , , , , | 24 Comments

Don’t Say That in Church – Parenting Plights & Delights

Yesterday was Palm Sunday. It brought back memories of years ago when my oldest daughter, Tulip, was 15 and had just signed up to be a lector at our church. Her lectoring debut was on Palm Sunday and the scripture was about Jesus’s triumphant entrance into Jerusalem riding on a donkey.

Just before we entered the church, Tulip whispered, “Mom, I have to read the word ‘ass’ twice.”

I knew she was nervous about speaking in front of the congregation. I told her that ‘ass’ isn’t considered a bad word in Europe, and a lot of European children’s books have it. “If that’s what it says, then that’s what you have to read.”

Tulip made it through the readings without stuttering, blushing, or giggling. I was surprised that my dainty 90-pound daughter’s voice carried all the way to the back of the church.

After Mass, Sister Concilio O’Keeffe, the second grade teacher, came over to us and complimented Tulip. “One of the best readers I’ve ever heard,” she said in her lovely Irish accent.

I explained how nervous Tulip was about having to read the word ‘ass.’

“Oh, no, it’s not a bad word over in Ireland where I grew up,” Sister said.

Tulip’s younger sisters, Lily and Sunflower, had been listening intently.

“Well,” 10-year-old Lily spoke up, “what are the bad words in Ireland?”

I cringed, but Sister Concilio laughed and said, “I think that’s a lesson we’ll have to skip.”

With Good Friday approaching, I’m reminded of a note Laurie Lundquist wrote to me years ago, which shared a conversation she had with her six-year-old step-daughter, Madison, and her husband, Mark. They were talking about the crucifixion scene in the “Glory of Easter” production they saw at the Crystal Cathedral.

“It’s a shame they had to do that on a holiday,” Madison said.

“We, of course, got a good laugh,” Laurie said, “and then we had to explain to her that Jesus being crucified is what created the holiday.”

We never know what kids will come up with next, do we?

Do you have a parenting or grandparenting memory
or another story you’d like to share? 
If you’re not a parent, memories from your own childhood count, too! 
 
Warning: I might feature your story in a future post. 
(Names can be changed to protect the guilty!)
 
I’d like to thank all those who have shared their stories. 
These posts wouldn’t be the same without your input.
 
If you don’t want to leave a comment but would rather contact me by email, 
here’s my address: lynkelwoohoo at yahoo dot com.

(A version of these stories first appeared in the Highland Community News in April 1999.)

Posted in family, Funny, Holidays, Humor, Parenting Plights and Delights | Tagged , | 14 Comments

Lynnie’s Lost Days in LaLa Land


Subject: Re: subjectless

It was a bleak and drab day.  The ticking of the clock wore heavy in the idle room.  The rains had passed and a term of uneventfulness had set upon us.  He was tired, long hours and little sleep were sketching their mark upon him like an elephant traversing across a muddy field.  Not sure what to do, another day of the mail, coming and going, and still no sign of their efile forms.  He sat in stilled silence as the clock, unaware of his dilemma, continued on its thoughtless course…

His mind shifted to those who hadn’t even sent their info yet…
I received that email about a week ago from my CPA, who just happens to be my brother. He does my taxes. He also does my daughter’s taxes, so he cc’d her rather than send a separate message.

At the time I received his email, I was exhausted, defeated, and not up to communicating on Facebook, Twitter, blogs, or emails. But my brother, funny guy that he is, cracked me up. Lifted my spirits by poking fun at his sister, the writer. I embraced my lunacy and typed a reply:
And she, a thousand miles away, read his weary mind as its reverberations skittered to and fro, bouncing upon radio waves, invisible to the common eye…ZONKERS! Nailed ‘er straight through one ear and out the other. Her head throbbed, along with her disabled back, injured with a stabbing twinge a fore night afore while desperately attacking another species of the cardboard clan, squarified with top flaps bulging, so crammed to the hilt. 
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Her search for aforementioned info all in vane, for said important scrolls which surely would yield loot a plenty eluded her. Dreadness and darkened thoughts shot through the sorry wench’s haggard being as she sought slumber to ease the gnarling aches, the seething pains, the torment that said search twas all fer naught. “Screw it!” she cried out, her very existence tottering on the edge of sanity. “On the morrow I shall search once more.” But on the morrow, ‘er achin’ back screamed for stillness till she yielded and declared, “Dang it. Might have to call Jeff about filing an extension.” 

 
Stay tuned for the next uneventful episode in Lynnie’s Lost Days in LaLa Land…
 
In the meantime, my daughter had written her own reply. She hadn’t read mine, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and she couldn’t resist joining in the fun:
 
It was late. After a tired and long day filled with the usual household chores, running of errands, and tending to her adorable baby, she plopped down on the sofa, laptop in one hand and cozy blanket in the other. It dawned on her that it had been quite some time since she had checked her email. The gem of her inbox was a clever and well-written message which gave her quite the chuckle. Empathy soon crept in. 
 
That drab day. That tired man. Now she can only wonder…had the efile forms ever arrived…?
My daughter received a reply the following day:
Subject: Re: subjectless-less


The question echoed in his eyes, screaming from the monitor.  Had the efile forms ever arrived?  The normal follow up of the weary procrastinator, the inane droning bore down upon him.  Seemingly endless tasks before him, yet here he sat.  She had married a man with a fairly odd name.  He had trouble remembering it, so he thought up whimsical words so he wouldn’t forget it.  That guy Bryan, why’s he always cryin’?  Such an odd name.  And spelled with a “y”?  Why?  Y?  Per her email he had just crept in?  Empathy, the name certainly suited him better than Bryan.  The clock the only constant in the room…tic tic tic…its hands manipulated his day.
Should be deposited in a few days, received and accepted.  Love you too.
Unc J
 
 
Isn’t that more fun than being seriously serious? 
 
One final note: My brother is a master at April Fool’s jokes, but I won’t be the butt of his gags this year.
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Uh-uh, I’z on high alert!
 
Do you love to play April Fool’s jokes? Have you ever been the butt of a really good one? 
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments