Don’t Say That in Church – Parenting Plights & Delights

Yesterday was Palm Sunday. It brought back memories of years ago when my oldest daughter, Tulip, was 15 and had just signed up to be a lector at our church. Her lectoring debut was on Palm Sunday and the scripture was about Jesus’s triumphant entrance into Jerusalem riding on a donkey.

Just before we entered the church, Tulip whispered, “Mom, I have to read the word ‘ass’ twice.”

I knew she was nervous about speaking in front of the congregation. I told her that ‘ass’ isn’t considered a bad word in Europe, and a lot of European children’s books have it. “If that’s what it says, then that’s what you have to read.”

Tulip made it through the readings without stuttering, blushing, or giggling. I was surprised that my dainty 90-pound daughter’s voice carried all the way to the back of the church.

After Mass, Sister Concilio O’Keeffe, the second grade teacher, came over to us and complimented Tulip. “One of the best readers I’ve ever heard,” she said in her lovely Irish accent.

I explained how nervous Tulip was about having to read the word ‘ass.’

“Oh, no, it’s not a bad word over in Ireland where I grew up,” Sister said.

Tulip’s younger sisters, Lily and Sunflower, had been listening intently.

“Well,” 10-year-old Lily spoke up, “what are the bad words in Ireland?”

I cringed, but Sister Concilio laughed and said, “I think that’s a lesson we’ll have to skip.”

With Good Friday approaching, I’m reminded of a note Laurie Lundquist wrote to me years ago, which shared a conversation she had with her six-year-old step-daughter, Madison, and her husband, Mark. They were talking about the crucifixion scene in the “Glory of Easter” production they saw at the Crystal Cathedral.

“It’s a shame they had to do that on a holiday,” Madison said.

“We, of course, got a good laugh,” Laurie said, “and then we had to explain to her that Jesus being crucified is what created the holiday.”

We never know what kids will come up with next, do we?

Do you have a parenting or grandparenting memory
or another story you’d like to share? 
If you’re not a parent, memories from your own childhood count, too! 
Warning: I might feature your story in a future post. 
(Names can be changed to protect the guilty!)
I’d like to thank all those who have shared their stories. 
These posts wouldn’t be the same without your input.
If you don’t want to leave a comment but would rather contact me by email, 
here’s my address: lynkelwoohoo at yahoo dot com.

(A version of these stories first appeared in the Highland Community News in April 1999.)

This entry was posted in family, Funny, Holidays, Humor, Parenting Plights and Delights and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Don’t Say That in Church – Parenting Plights & Delights

  1. Bish Denham says:

    "It's a shame they had to do that on a holiday." Too funny!

  2. Old Kitty says:

    Awww Tulip, Lily and Sunflower! What beautiful names!! Yay for going forth and saying ass in the nicest possible way! LOL! Take carex

  3. LOL about the holiday, too!"Ass" was my daughter's first profanity – and used in that way, too. My husband occasionally used to tell our Rottweiler to "put your ass on the ground" when a simple "sit" didn't suffice. One time when DD was about 3, we went to my parents' house. As we came in the back door, their cat was sneaking up (he was a bad door-darter), and my daughter yelled at him to "put your ass on the ground!" It was hilarious! The funniest thing was, the cat obeyed!

  4. Thanks for the smiles today Lynn!

  5. Oh my goodness, those are great stories! Your little flower children sound very percocious (did I spell that right?).Thanks for the smile.Patricia Rickrodew/a Jansen Schmidt

  6. Bish – Thanks! Glad you got a kick out of it.Courtney – Thank you!OC – Oh, you always crack me up! Haha! No pun intended! The flower names are just nicknames for my blog!Jennette – Great story about your daughter and the dog and then the cat! LOL! Thanks so much for sharing.Coleen – You're welcome. So glad you stopped by!Patricia – Aw, thanks! I'd have to do a spell check to see if that's right.

  7. Ahahahahaha I am still giggling. You turned my day into a piece of sunshine. Love you bunches and bunches. Their names are so bodaciously beautiful. *squeezing you tight*

  8. JJ says:

    Very good story, and very funny! Sadly, I grew up thinking it was something I was a pain in. When a priest told me it was a donkey, I was relieved – until I pondered it for a while.

  9. Adorable, Lynn! I grew up with the Irish sisters, too, and have a love of all things Irish from them. Unfortunately, the holy day incense made me nauseous, so I have a whole book of embarassing tales. P.S. Love the flower names.

  10. Munir says:

    That is so innocent. It is sad that he was crucified for no fault of his own.

  11. Susan Fields says:

    I remember when I was young and we'd go to church and they'd call Jesus "the King of the Jews" and I thought they were saying "the King of the Juice." I could never figure out why juice was so special. 🙂

  12. That was such bad timing that Jesus had to die on Easter. Hilarious!

  13. Oh, that is a hilarious story!

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