Monster Jokes For Kids

I admit I deserve a time out in a creaky, rickety time out chair. I apologize for not commenting back to my followers. Just haven’t been up to par this week, dealing with allergies and fatigue. And a toddler who runs faster than his Grammy’s old bones can bend.  

Please know you’re important to me, and I will be paying each of you a visit ASAP. 


Funny Bones is a bit rattled.

Bad Blogger’s Time Out Chair? 

 
No, please! Not the dark and dreary, dreadful Time Out Chair! 
 
I ain’t got the guts for that!
Please give me just one more chance to make it up to you.
 
It’s your call, friends. I’ll leave the punishment up to you.
 
Moving on, last Friday I promised you some monster laughs, so here you go.  Be sure to share some of these with your favorite trick-or-treaters.


Are you good at telling jokes, or are you like me and can’t remember the punch lines anymore? 

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“Cyclops Clyde” Told By Ma Cob

Ma Cob 

Halloween is creeping and crawling up on us. It’s that time of year for fun, spooky stories. Back by popular demand, please welcome Ma Cob, who’s here to tell the tale of Cyclops Clyde.

Do you remember him from last year? He’s the creepster, freakster, cranky monster who haunts computers. Anyone’s, anywhere, at any time. 

Break out the candy corn, turn off the lights, and sit a spell.
Cyclops Clyde

Cyclops Clyde is the first story in my eBook, Trio of Haunting Tales – Spooky Short Stories, for kids ages 8 and up. Details can be found in the right margin and on the Publication page of this blog. 

Night of the Howling Werewolf 
and 
Ghost Warrior 
are the other short stories in
Trio of Haunting Tales
 
Has your computer ever acted weird?
Do you think a monster like Cyclops Clyde haunted it?
 
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Spooky Story Time – Parenting Plights & Delights

I’m a big scaredy cat when it comes to horror stories, but I can appreciate a good, mildly spooky story that gets my heart racing. 


When I was a kid, we’d invite friends over for snacks and a spooky tale, the story of “Joshua Brown,” who one Halloween night disappeared from town. 

 

Don’t forget the sweet treats!
Dad was a great storyteller, so we’d sit in a circle outside in the dark and listen to the tale of Joshua Brown. It was the same tale every year, but we never got tired of it. 

Unfortunately, we lost the story years ago. I looked for it online and found a similar story called “Poor Joe.” The words are totally different, but the concept is the same. “Poor Joe” isn’t as scary as my childhood ‘Joshua Brown,’ so this milder version might be better for some folks. 

Both ‘Joshua Brown’ and ‘Poor Joe’ use peeled grapes for the eyes, which are passed from one person to the next. Squishy, slimy, and shaped like eyeballs. Great effect! 

For the hand of ‘Joshua Brown,’ a latex glove filled with flour was used. The above ‘Poor Joe’ site states they used a glove filled with jigglers jello.

Boo! Don’t forget to serve cookies! 

A bowl of cooked, slightly wet spaghetti pasta was used for veins in both ‘Joshua Brown’ and ‘Poor Joe.’ A piece of liver served as the tongue for both stories. 

We used a peeled potato cut in the shape of a big toe for ‘Joshua Brown.’

The ‘Poor Joe’ site used ten pieces of carrots for toes, a wig for hair, and a dried apricot for an ear. 

It sounds disgusting, doesn’t it? We knew it wasn’t real, and we thought it was great fun. 

If you want to do this type of story with friends and family this Halloween, go to the ‘Poor Joe‘ site and use that version. It will make for a spooktacular party.

Don’t forget the booberry punch…

 


and spider (black olives) deviled eggs!

 

 

Oh, how about making it a costume party, too? I love costumes. They’re great ice breakers. 

 
What’s the best Halloween costume you’ve ever worn? Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction? Do you like spooky stories? 

 

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More Ghostly Jokes

Hello trick or treaters! 
Today Funny Bones is the ghostest with the mostest. 
Get your giggle on with a little spooktacular fun.
That wasn’t scary, was it? 
 
Tune in next Friday for monster laughs with Funny Bones. 
 
Psst! It’s not too late to enter the giveaway, 
random drawing for a copy of my newly released children’s book, 
Curse of the Double Digits. 
 
 
For ages 7 to 10
The giveaway runs through October 30th. 
If you missed the launch party, go here to enter 
by leaving a comment. 
10 copies will be given away, 
5 signed paperbacks and 5 eBooks.
Be sure to say whether you prefer a paperback or eBook.
 
Do you think ghosts are real or just silly nonsense?
 
 
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Did I Notice Your Book – Blogfest

I noticed Time’s Enemy by Jennette Marie Powell!

What a great idea for a blogfest, the brainchild of Ciara Knight
co-sponsored by Ninja Captain Alex Cavanaugh

Here’s the deal:

You can choose a book that you’ve read, something you saw on a blog or social media site, Goodreads, or a sales website. Anything that caught your eye because of a great cover, blurb or reviews, but DON’T tell the author that their book has been noticed. Instead, shout out on social media sites, and encourage others to do the same, until the author finds his/her book. 

Here’s my pick:

I’m excited to tell everyone about this awesome Saturn Society time travel series by Jennette Marie Powell. I’m a sucker for time travel stories in the first place, but these books are so well written and it’s clear the author spent a lot of time (no pun intended!) researching the historical settings the main characters travel to. 

These novels are jam packed with tension, suspense, intriguing plots and subplots, and some steamy romance scenes, too! Great page turners. 

After I finished book one, Time’s Enemy, I was super happy to discover the second book in the series had just been released, so I was able to continue following Tony and Vi’s journey. I’m anxiously awaiting the next Saturn series novel because I miss these characters.


Here’s a description of the first book from the author’s website: 

Time-travel Romance – contemporary and early 20th century America
One man against a secret society of time travelers – and the woman he loves.
One unwanted gift. One great wrong. One chance to make things right…
Tony Solomon never wanted to be a time traveler. But when a freak accident gifts him with the ability to travel in time, he becomes an unwilling initiate in a secret society of time travelers. Determined to prevent his daughter’s murder, he violates the Society’s highest law and becomes a fugitive. When the Society refuses to tell Tony how to time-travel within his own life, he seeks help from Charlotte, the woman whose life he saved during a prior trip to the past.
When Tony arrives in 1933 looking for answers, Charlotte is both thrilled and terrified to see her childhood hero. Loyal to the Society, she is honor-bound to bring to justice those who manipulate time for their own gain. In giving him sanctuary, she faces a terrible choice-condemn the man she loves and to whom she owes her life, or deny her deepest convictions by helping him escape and risk sharing his sentence.
Buy Time’s Enemy at Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Smashwords and many other online retailers. Print edition available at Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, or by request at your favorite bookseller.


And here’s the second book, another superb read:


Here’s the description from the author’s website:
A past shrouded in mystery
Violet Sinclair remembers nothing of her life before the day she awoke several years earlier, drenched in blood that wasn’t hers. But since she met Tony Solomon, she’s been certain of one thing – sometime in her hidden past, she knew him… loved him… and did something terrible to him.
A present fraught with danger
Time-traveler Tony Solomon is sure he never met Violet before they were coworkers, yet she bears an uncanny resemblance to the woman he loved and lost decades before he was born. After an impulse encounter leaves Violet pregnant with his child, she becomes the target of killers from the future.
A future feared in jeopardy
Framed for murder, Tony will do anything to protect Violet and their child, even if their only escape is to jump into the past, something he swore he’d never do again. But when they jump back much further than planned, they find their troubles are only beginning—and secrets can get them killed.
Buy Time’s Fugitive at Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Smashwords  Print edition available at Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, or by request at your favorite bookseller.
These are two of my favorite books. What’s yours? Do you like time travel tales or romance novels? 

If you’d like to check out the other bloggers’ picks,  here’s a list of the blogfest participants and their links:

14.
40.
43.
76.
84.







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Mom Pulls Scary Prank – Parenting Plights & Delights

I finally received a photo a couple weeks ago of this freaky fake cat. I’d been bugging my sister Cindy for about three years to take a picture of the scary cat her neighbor Shelly uses for a Halloween prop, the creature Shelly had tried to prank Cindy with back then, hoping to scare her good, but being a prankster herself, Cindy didn’t fall for it. 

Cindy borrowed it, though, to pull a few pranks of her own. Here it is, the freaky-looking cat. I have to admit, it IS pretty creepy, especially finding it in a refrigerator. Eek! Lost my appetite! Did you?

Cindy put the cat in her daughter’s room. Ballerina, then age 13, wasn’t startled at all, but it was still daylight at the time. 

So Cindy set the cat on her son Joker’s window sill. By the time the high school jock jetted up the stairs to his room, it was dusk. Next thing, Cindy heard a loud, “Augh!” 

Pause. Next, “Mom, I hate you!” 

Cindy giggled, and after the initial shock, Joker being a joker, he chuckled that Mom got him good. 

That was fun, but Cindy wasn’t through with that spooky cat. This time she put it in the master bedroom on her window sill. With that, she was off to Ballerina’s dance lesson and forgot all about the freaky cat in her window.

Returning home a couple hours later, she found her husband, Jim, in the rocker-recliner in the family room. Clearly, he was upset about something. “What’s wrong?” 

“Cindy, sit down.” He was dead serious. She braced herself for whatever bad news Jim was about to tell her. She noticed a baseball bat in the middle of the room and wondered why it was there. 

“What is it? What happened?” she asked. 

“Don’t ever do that again.” 

“Do what? What did I do?” She didn’t know what he was talking about. She’d forgotten all about the cat.

Jim explained his eventful night after arriving home from a long day at the office. He entered the bedroom to change and noticed something on the window sill that gave him quite a start.

He focused on it and thought it was an owl that somehow got in through the window screen. Its eyes looked eerie and it didn’t move. Jim wanted a closer look, but the light switch was near the creature, so he couldn’t risk turning it on and having the thing fly off throughout the house.  He pondered how to catch it. 

A baseball bat might do the trick. After retrieving one, he got on hands and knees and slowly approached the owl, baseball bat at the ready to nail it. Creeping slowly on all fours, he made a ‘Ch-ch’ sound from the side of his mouth, hoping to frighten it enough so it would escape back out through the screen, but it still didn’t move. 

‘Ch-ch, ch-ch.’ Jim cautiously approached, staying low. ‘Ch-ch.’ Upon closer look, he noticed it wasn’t an owl at all, but a cat. A stiff cat that never moved. Was it dead? 


Puzzled over how a cat got onto the window sill and died in a such a petrified state, Jim finally managed to flick the light on, then realized he’d been pranked. 

Furious, he called Joker and chewed him out. Joker laughed and said, “It wasn’t me, it was Mom.” 

“Your mother wouldn’t do that to me,” Jim said.

Joker laughed harder. “I swear it wasn’t me, it was Mom. She put it in my room first.” 

Jim stewed in the rocker-recliner until Cindy and Ballerina returned home to find him there and the baseball bat on the floor. 

Cindy apologized just for the sake of it but had a good laugh later that her prank was such a huge success! 

Jim never laughed, not once. Not amused in the least.

Two years later, Shelly pranked Cindy again, leaving the cat in Jim and Cindy’s refrigerator while Cindy was gone. She got a big kick out of it, but when Jim saw the cat, he told Cindy to get that thing out of there and wanted nothing to do with it.

Have you ever been the victim of a prank like this? Are you a prankster?  Would you be mad, too, if this happened to you?

Do you have a parenting or grandparenting memory
or another story you’d like to share? 
If you’re not a parent, memories from your own childhood count, too. 

Warning: I might feature your story in a future post. 
(Names can be changed to protect the guilty!)

I’d like to thank all those who have shared their stories. 
These posts wouldn’t be the same without your input.

If you don’t want to leave a comment but would rather contact me by email, 
you can reach me at: lynkelwoohoo at yahoo dot com.

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Ghost Jokes With Funny Bones

As promised last Friday, here are more jokes, especially fun for kids, to get you ready for Halloween. If you missed the Pirate Jokes last week, go here

Wednesday’s launch party for my chapter book, Curse of the Double Digits, was wild and wonderful. It just so happened to be the 10th birthday of the main character, Becky. We have a little bit of cake left over, so please help yourself to some virtual cake.

Thank you to everyone who helped make it an extra-special day that I’ll never forget. I was overwhelmed by the awesome support I received. 

 
If you missed the launch, you can check it out here and enter the giveaway to win a copy of Curse of the Double Digits. I’m giving away 10 copies – 5 signed paperbacks and 5 eBooks through October 30. Just leave a comment and specify which you prefer, paperback or eBook. 
 
Also, you can enter again on Maria Cisneros Toth’s blog post where she did a quirky interview of me and Robyn Campbell’s blog for another fun interview. 
 
 
Available at:
Amazon

Paperback – $4.99
eBook – $2.99

 
 Have a good weekend. Do you have any special plans? 
 
 
 
 
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CURSE OF THE DOUBLE DIGITS – Launch Party!

Welcome to the party!
10 Giveaways – 5 signed paperbacks & 5 eBooks
to celebrate Becky’s 10th birthday 
and the official release of Curse of the Double Digits!

“Woo hoo! It’s my birthday!”

Becky turns 10 on the 10th day of the 10th month!
She expects it to be magical.

The whole class is invited to her party, including Chad, the cutest boy in the fifth grade. So is Darlenie-the-Meanie. 

Becky wants to look cute for her big day, but all her plans go wrong. Really wrong. The magic of turning ten disappears before she even has a chance to blow out her birthday candles.


Things get so bad, she refuses to go to her own party. Becky wonders if the Curse of the Double Digits will jinx her forever.


Available at:
Amazon

Paperback – $4.99
eBook – $2.99

To enter the giveaway, just leave a comment, 
along with which format you prefer, 
eBook or a signed paperback. 
Random drawings will be held through October 30th.
(Sorry, paperbacks are only for the U.S. and Canada. 
Ebooks for anywhere.)

To continue the fun, hop over to: 
Maria Cisneros Toth’s new blog,
A Writer’s Life of Scraps & Scribbles
for a quirky interview

and also 

Robyn Campbell’s 
Putting Pen to Paper
for another quirky interview! 

Leave a comment on Maria’s blog 
and Robyn’s blog
to enter the giveaways on their sites, too. 

May your luck be better than poor Becky’s!

Did you ever have a birthday party when you were a kid?
How old were you? Did you play games? 
What’s the best birthday gift you ever received?



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Home Run for Mom With Cancer – Parenting Plights & Delights

In the sixteen years I’ve been writing, I think this is my all-time favorite piece. 

I’m just the messenger, the fortunate writer who heard about this from my sister, Cindy. She witnessed this event at her son’s Little League game back in 1999. At that time, I wrote a weekly parenting column for the Highland Community News. Thankfully, I saved the clip.

Read on if you need a shot of inspiration.

Justin Lambert, 10 years old – 1999

Back in 1999, Maureen Lambert, a mother of two, was being treated for breast cancer. One Saturday she was feeling particularly tired due to her chemotherapy. 

Ten-year-old Justin wanted to know if she was coming to his Little League game. He’d been wanting to hit a home run in her honor all season, but it hadn’t happened yet. 

“I feel a home run coming today,” little Justin said.

“Justin, I’m really tired,” she told him, “but I’m going to do everything I can to get there.” 

Despite her illness, Maureen hadn’t missed a game all season. So she pulled herself together as fast as she could and got six-year-old Kaitlyn ready, too.

By the time Maureen and Kaitlyn arrived at the ballpark, the game had already started. Some of the fathers rushed over to Maureen and announced that Justin had just hit a home run. 

Maureen went over to congratulate Justin, but with a touch of disappointment, she had to admit, “I missed your home run.” 

“That’s okay, Mom,” he said. “I’ll hit you another one.”

And little Justin did just that. He hit a second home run for his mom, but this time it went over the fence. Not only was Maureen overwhelmed with excitement, the crowd exploded with cheers and applause. There were many moist eyes at the Little League field that day. 

At the end-of-season party, the team awarded Maureen a plaque of courage because she was a prime example of what courage is all about.

Like I said, that was back in 1999. I found the newspaper clip in mid-September, but before posting it on my blog, I wanted to follow up on how Maureen is doing these days. 

I called my sis and learned Maureen has been cancer free all these years and was getting ready to run in a marathon that weekend with little Justin, who is now big Justin, to raise funds for a cure for breast cancer. 

At the time, I didn’t realize October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. What a coincidence. Not! I believe there’s more than mere coincidence at work here. 

Justin and Maureen Lambert
at Race for the Cure Marathon,
September 23, 2012, Newport Beach, California.
Go Team Moe!
Please join me in cheering for Team Moe for many more years of being cancer free, running marathons, and inspiring hope and courage in others. 

Do you have a hero like Maureen or Justin who has inspired you? This story made me cry happy tears. Did it affect you the same way? 

A few quick announcements:

I’m guest posting on Fabio Bueno’s blog today for his YAmondAY series. I hope you’ll stop over. Click here.

You’re invited to my party! I’m launching my chapter book Curse of the Double Digits, for ages 7 to 10, this Wednesday, October 10th. Becky, the main character, is turning ten on the 10th day of the 10th month! 

Please come celebrate Becky’s birthday and the debut of my chapter book. Be sure to enter the giveaway by leaving a comment. I’m giving away ten copies of Curse of the Double Digits – five signed paperbacks and five eBooks. 

Do you have a parenting or grandparenting memory
or another story you’d like to share? 
If you’re not a parent, memories from your own childhood count, too. 

Warning: I might feature your story in a future post. 
(Names can be changed to protect the guilty!)

I’d like to thank all those who have shared their stories. 
These posts wouldn’t be the same without your input.

If you don’t want to leave a comment but would rather contact me by email, 
you can reach me at: lynkelwoohoo at yahoo dot com.

(A version of the above story was originally published in the Highland Community News in September 1999.)
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Pirate Jokes

Halloween is right around the corner. 
Months ago I made some YouTube videos 
featuring fun jokes for kids 
 told by yours truly dressed as Funny Bones. 
Funny Bones is wearing her eye patch today. 
She be pullin’ bones out of her Bag’O’Jokes 
and reading ’em to ye, me hearties! ARR!
Here ye go, mates. Enjoy!
Be sure to share yer favorite pirate jokes with yer friends.
 
Which one did you like the best? 
Do you have a pirate joke you’d like to share? 

Tune in next Friday when Funny Bones brings more jokes.
Fair winds ahead, scallywags! ARR!
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